To whomever may find this during one of those long periods in the night where you scan the internet, desperately searching for anecdotal reassurance that yes, in fact, there is someone out there whose life worse than yours,
My life isn't as good as yours. All of my trials and mistakes, however, have yielded some pretty sage advice, which I would like to relate to you now, but someone else put it much better than I ever could, and that someone is Mr. Groucho Marx, who said "I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member." Now, for some reason I remember that joke going "I wouldn't be with any woman who would have have a person like me," or something to the extent, but I guess I got it wrong. Anyway, that's the advice I'd like to offer now. Don't date anyone who expresses an interest in dating you, as surly there is some ulterior motive, and it'll never work out. This, however, presents a paradox, as if this is true, then it's true also that any woman should never date a man who expresses an interest in dating her, either. Thus concludes my argument for why people should not have relationships. Life's a lot better without them.

I'm kidding, I'm just pissed off. I got an email from my ex-girlfriend a little while ago, and I'm just venting. She's fucko-bazoo, though, I mean really crazy. Seriously.

Groucho really did put it better than I would in a million years when he said "I was married by a judge. I should've asked for a jury." Or how about this one: "Marriage is a wonderful institution; but who wants to live in an institution?" Yes, I believe tonight I've made a friend in Mr. Marx. Not Karl, he and I made our peace a long time ago.

Nevermind.

Goodbye.