May 1, 2007

It's a funny thing, life.

Sometimes it's so sweet it makes you giggle like you did when you were a child, and sometimes it's so sad you laugh at it until you cry away all you ever held that was pure and lovable.

Either way it's pretty funny.

I was late for work today, really late, and it made me so disappointed in myself. I kept apologizing, hoping my coworkers would say it was okay, say that it wasn't a big deal. I kept apologizing like I was expecting them to say it was okay. Then I realized that it really wasn't okay, it really was a big deal, and that crushed me. Today I was so fragile I was walking on a bed of (vegan) egg-shells I had made for myself.

I think I got my metaphors mixed somehow.

Right now I drink wine, sauvignon blanc, but I'll soon move on to whiskey. Tonight feels like the sort of night.

Do you think people ever change? I mean, really? I feel so childish sometimes, though not in the innocent, adorably naïve sort of way. I don't know if I've always been this way, but recently I've noticed that I am obnoxiously self-absorbed; myself is all I ever talk about. I'm trapped in this childish solipsism that I fear will prevent me from ever really loving anyone else and, subsequently, ever really being loved.

Whatevs.

This life is strange, there seems to be nothing to it.

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