Sometimes it's so sweet it makes you giggle like you did when you were a child, and sometimes it's so sad you laugh at it until you cry away all you ever held that was pure and lovable.
Either way it's pretty funny.
I was late for work today, really late, and it made me so disappointed in myself. I kept apologizing, hoping my coworkers would say it was okay, say that it wasn't a big deal. I kept apologizing like I was expecting them to say it was okay. Then I realized that it really wasn't okay, it really was a big deal, and that crushed me. Today I was so fragile I was walking on a bed of (vegan) egg-shells I had made for myself.
I think I got my metaphors mixed somehow.
Right now I drink wine, sauvignon blanc, but I'll soon move on to whiskey. Tonight feels like the sort of night.
Do you think people ever change? I mean, really? I feel so childish sometimes, though not in the innocent, adorably naïve sort of way. I don't know if I've always been this way, but recently I've noticed that I am obnoxiously self-absorbed; myself is all I ever talk about. I'm trapped in this childish solipsism that I fear will prevent me from ever really loving anyone else and, subsequently, ever really being loved.
Whatevs.
This life is strange, there seems to be nothing to it.
May 1, 2007
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