Blame and guilt.

Blame and guilt. That's all there is. That is what this world is comprised of.

Tonight the fake conversation I constructed in my head was between my mother and I. In this fake talk I asked my mother if, while she was pregnant with me, she considered that she was about to condemn another human being to a life of pain. "Wait" I would plead as a ghost during her pregnancy. "Think this through. You know not what pain your actions cause." I would scream and break glasses and stomp my feet; "would you please think of the child, maybe he doesn't want to be born, maybe he's not ready for this."

I blame my mother for my conception, for all the pain I've endured, for all the pain I have waiting for me in the future. I wish I could take it back, triple stamp a double stamp.

The pain in my life is a result of my having been born.

Seems obvious enough.

...

When a company produces a product that's desirable and usable, people buy the product, and the company succeeds. Sometimes the company produces a product that's defective, and the product needs to be sent back, needs to be destroyed...

Such is my life.

Thanks for caring.