Sleep in our clothes and wait for a winter to leave

Hey Dooods!!

What's up!?!

When I see her dancing closer and closer to me, living and trying to reach out, being beautiful in being herself, trying to be human with another human, like humans do; I become afraid and I shy away. I don't know why.

I walk through crowds and women look at me like they want nothing better than to hold me close and be with me, for a night, for an instant, and I give them this look that absolutely screams "I'M NOT INTERESTED." The look is a vague smile, followed by a sorrowful glance at my shoes.

What's ironic is that I AM INTERESTED.

For how much longer am I going to be alone?

What is wrong with me that I'm so afraid of expressing my interest in a woman? What really pains me is that I know I would be a better partner than a lot of the doods that the women get involved with.

I know what you're not thinking, but I'm thinking it. I've thought long and hard about the idea that I'm gay and, because of the environment up in which I was raised, I've repressed my sexuality. That would be a really good explanation for my dilemma.

That's not it. I'm not gay.

I'm not straight, either.

Can'o'wormsGenderDiscussionRelativityCultureArchetypeStereotypeGenderroleBehaviorSpectrumSexualityetceteraetcetera

The Truth: I dream of a partner, a kindred spirit, however cliché that may sound, a lover, a friend.

Humans are meant to live within loving communities, the members of which support and care for and love each other. Members of a community help other members achieve their dreams. People find companionship through a community.

Whatevs, I'm allofasudden too drunk to make sense. I've been drinking all the while I was writing this (which is really the only occasion during which I feel open enough to write) and it seems to have caught up with me. I suppose I'll drink some more, 'cause why not, right?

My point, by the way, is that I'm not an alpha male, despite my intelligence (whatever has remained), and therefore I am doomed to a life of loneliness.

Thanks Mom and Dad.

There I go again, blaming my problems on someone else. All of my problems can be traced back to their origin; the moment I was born. Were I never born, I would never have had so many problems.

If I believed in god I would pray this prayer: JESUS CHRIST may I never, ever, under any circumstance expose another human to the excruciating agony that is living on this spiky, ugly wasteland that is our earth.

When I fall in love I'll change my perspective.

I'm never going to fall in love again.

Congratulations.