Awh lawd, jeezus,
I have come to a point in my life where i cannot see an end, I cannot believe in a light, a redemption...
There is no sense in seeing this "thing" through. I have been given so very many opportunities, everything I've ever wanted could've been given to me had I at least tried. Everything except to not have been born.
So many have done so many bad things in their life, things for which they deserve torture, or worse, and I am not culpable of abuse, yet I am condemned to suffer their punishments?
The punishment of loneliness.
I will not speak of myself beyond what my debilitating conscience will permit; I haven't done such bad things as my lot has punished me for.
I've done horrible things, things that make it hard for me to sleep, make it hard to live. I live every moment in remorse for all that I've done.
Others have committed worse crimes against humanity, though they live without regret. How is this just?
If only i could take responsibility for everyone, to have their blame and their faults laid upon my shoulders, perhaps I could be redeemed for this life that hasn't meant anything.
1 comment:
well to your surprise someone completely random read this.
well not totally random because nothing is random, my love of mopeds eventually led me here.
I would say I totally know how you feel, but I don't. no one does. just like they don't know how I feel. no one knows how anyone feels, and it sucks, and is beautiful at the same time.
As far as I can tell everything about these American lives is completely worthless. If anything they push us to snap and do horrible things. Horrible for society, great for experiencing something different.
However, since the crap rewards of a capitalistic life are so, well, crapitalistic. it leaves all the forgotten rewards in life available for free.
for me, doing something outside with friends is as good as it gets. and seeing how you also started a moped gang then you must be on to something. For me, mopeds give me something tangible to care about, and a knowledge that I can spread to my comrades. People like you and me put that spark of life back into these poor fuckers who are on the verge of being asleep for their whole lives. We show them the simple rewards of things like knowing how to rebuild a carb, or bring a bike back from the dead. Rewards that are tangible and based on shared knowledge. Like a Master who teaches a student the Tao of the Universe, we are enlightening the dying minds of our generation and giving them something to cherish and pass on. You wouldn't have started your gang if you didn't understand what I understand.
our society really sucks, but going against everything it tells me to do is the most fulfilling thing I've ever done.
I hope you too can find solace in what I have.
From the depths of our resentment a great resolve is spawned.
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